I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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