Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
