dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
