he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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