I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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