I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.