she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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