Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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