Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
