Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
