she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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