im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize