Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
