my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
