I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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