this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
