why didn't you poke me back
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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