no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
