I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
false alarm, still single
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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