The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
