bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
