At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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