i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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