just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
