whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
