My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
