theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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