My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
