yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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