My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And then he peed in my hair
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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