Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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