After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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