I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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