I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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