I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
