i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
