remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize