Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
