Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
