He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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