Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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