I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
