Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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