It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
