who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
