its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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