Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
