yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
