I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
