did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
