i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
