Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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