Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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