My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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