So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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