Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
