i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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