Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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