It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
