Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
