I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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