I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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