wanna go halves on a baby?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
