I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
