Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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