u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
