so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
