Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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