meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
