do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize